Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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