4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
