My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
