thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
