playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
