I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
