okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She bit a glass in half.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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