I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
