I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
