ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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