Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
