I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
