Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
