So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
