Plan B is the new Plan A
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
