she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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