have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
