you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The best revenge is premature balding
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
