yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
