So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
