its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
50% drunk capacity currently
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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