I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
