I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
