areolas are like halos for boobs.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
