i don't like sucking hair
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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