i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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