Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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