next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
