So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
