worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
