Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
