he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
