Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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