I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You can't special order awesome
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
