I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize