I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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