I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Couch. On fire.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
