I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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