the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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