i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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