I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
