Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
