Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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