New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
