Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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