Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
