I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
