I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
