I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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