u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
