I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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