I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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