If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
