i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
