Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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