Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my being single is dangerous.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
