it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
