guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
