which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
