I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
