so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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