Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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