he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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