So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
