theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
