Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
