if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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