last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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