dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
