I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
